the twenty-five years I helped people resolve their pain, many
wanted to know how my methods of healing were different
from traditional therapies they had already tried, so here's some
helped clients rebuild themselves from the ground up. I'm no longer
doing one-on-one repair work, but it doesn't mean I'm gonna leave
you without the means to help yourself and thrive! I
am currently devising marvelous tutorials that will help you
put an end to your depression, and finally heal.
very first YouTube video, "How to find a solid therapeutic
fit" addresses how to find a solid professional (if you really
want one) who's able to offer you useful, meaningful
inner work. I hope it helps guide you to a fruitful outcome.
you read this, perhaps you'll think of it as a roadmap that can
help you look at your life differently, and think more deeply
about who you want to become. In my view, if we don't resolve
the core of our difficulties like poor self-worth,
we have to retain our episodic dependence on therapeutic help.
I've never wanted that, and perhaps you don't either.
truth, many want happiness, but have no clue about how
to acquire it. My approach wasn't for those looking for a quick-fix,
although my methods worked far more rapidly than conventional
modalities of "treatment." It was for people who'd tried
just about every other therapeutic intervention under the sun,
and still hadn't found genuine happiness. I'm not describing the
brief, delightful episodes that come with finding romance or buying
a new car or home. I'm referencing an ongoing feeling inside
you, that's tranquil and joyful.
am not a psychologist, nor did I have a psychotherapy practice
beyond my six years in private practice as a Marriage and Family
Therapy (MFT) intern nearly three decades ago. Since that time,
my consulting work has not concerned itself in the least, with
may derive as much information as you wish from my online articles,
soon to be books~ but my work was never concerned with helping
one "gain insight" about their pain. It merely helped
them quit fearing/dreading it, and engaging in various addictive
reflexes and other self-destructive behaviors used to avoid or
distract from the agony that kept them impaired since infancy.
my view, all life obstacles we face are due to poor self-worth.
This informs on how we relate to and take care of ourselves within
personal and professional relationships. If we think about self-worth
as the hub of your wagon wheel, any damage it sustains
means that all spokes which emanate from that central point will
be weak and susceptible to breaking under any type of strain or
SYMPTOMS OF POOR SELF-WORTH:
in a job or career you don't enjoy. Remaining in an undersatisfying
or abusive relationship. Feeling afraid to raise fees in your
business. Constant concern about what others may think of you.
Deep feelings of unlovability and unworthiness. People Pleasing
behaviors. Ongoing struggles with money and/or finances. Never
feeling at ease in social situations. Fear of real success, love,
joy and riches~ and finally having what you really want. Fear
of confrontation or initiating difficult conversations about your
needs or feelings. Belief that it's not okay to even have
needs. Addictions of all types~ particularly the one that has
you feeling an unquenchable need to always fix, train, guide,
rescue and help others~ which is pathological codependency. This
is merely the tip of the iceberg, as the list is practically endless.
work has helped individuals accomplishtwo distinct things:
Build rock-solid self-esteem, and learn how to feel and tolerate
dark, difficult emotionsin the body,
rather than analyzing, over-thinking and compulsively attaching
meaning to them in the head.
might go to a gym to strengthen and develop your physical muscles~
but has anyone ever taught you how to build powerful emotional
muscles? This should be the crux of your inner work.
If it hasn't been, we can give you simple, super-effective exercises
to change that, so you can become genuinely empowered.
Wellness means that you should expect incremental gains from applying
the principles you'll be learning to use. Getting healthy will
likely require your determined and focused effort, but the rewards
to you could well exceed what you've ever dreamed was possible.
always sensed there were quicker, more effective ways to help
individuals who could not find relief using conventional therapies,
and who slipped through the cracks. Throughout my entire career,
I focused on inventing and developing unique, groundbreaking methods
which facilitated one's capacity to acceptjoy, contentment, happiness and inner peace. Maybe it's hard
to believe, but many can't.
work has always been a growth-oriented modality focused
on raising self-esteem and helping one become whole, happy and
content within 18 months or less. You will need a handful of concrete
power tools specifically crafted to dismantle and eliminate the
negative/abusive tape that plays in your psyche 24/7, which constantly
asserts; "I'm a fuck-up, I'm not good enough or lovable."
You're relentlessly hard on yourself, which causes you to select
lovers and friends who echo exactly how you really feel
about you~ because how we view ourselves, is what cements our
belief about we deserve from everyone else.
has given me greater glee, than being able to witness a client's
total transformation. It's nothing short of a metamorphosis, like
the caterpillar to butterfly transition. I was selective about
who I accepted into my practice, for some people resist getting
well, and my time is too precious a commodity to waste.
may not be a suitable candidate for an atypical approach to healing,
and it might not be a solid fit for your goals, personality and
temperament. In any case, any responsible practitioner
will try to assess this during your initial pre-work consultation,
for it should never be their desire to offer you help you can't
or won't make good use of.
pay special attention to the following, if you're wanting to continue
with using psychotherapeutic help. It might help you get more
bang for your buck.
enter into someone's office 'cold.' If they're unwilling
to have a brief phone consult with you to discern your difficulties
and sense whether they can help you before
your work begins, you should call the next person on your list.
to get a sense of this individual and whether you can
feel understood and comfortable with him/her. They should want
to get a strong sense of you also, to determine if you can be
a good, solid fit for them and the type of work they
like to do, and for which they are best suited!
deals with matters of the mind. My articles
can speak to the core of your anguish, and perhaps help you gain
useful insights about it, but my actual work
was never insight based~ nor did I wish to intervene with clients
in this manner, as "mind" work can turn into too lengthy
never permitted clients to retain their comfortable love affair
with survival. I wouldn't allow them
to complain about their Life month after month (which is incredibly
boring) without getting to the root of
that problem, and resolving it. Mine was solution-focused work
that helped them learn how to Thrive--not just survive. Survival
oriented individuals who remain addicted to chaos and drama are
not suitable candidates for the wellness tutorials
that will soon become available on this site. It's best to seek
a better fit for yourself elsewhere.
might presume that wealth will cure your woes, but it
won't. I've worked with multi-millionaires who have never felt
safe or secure. They struggled with loneliness and emptiness just
as you have. When you've gotten all the boats, planes and houses
you can own, and they don't eradicate that painful vacuum inside
you, we have a sort of 'existential crisis' on our hands.
concerns pertaining to this issue are developmentally driven.
They're about our need to change or amend what we've been
doing for decades. As we evolve, we can't keep performing the
same tasks year after year, without outgrowing our ability to
be stimulated by them! It's like wearing an old suit that's now
a couple sizes too small. We've made substantial investments in
that wardrobe, but we had different values and priorities
in our twenties and thirties that don't fit with the needs of
our forties, fifties and sixties. When we aren't responsive
to these changes, our passion steadily wanes, and each day requires
great effort (or various
addictions) to help us maintain a sense of vitality or aliveness.
desire for this aliveness can have us choosing high-intensity
relationships with partners who have personality
disorder traits. The emotional roller-coaster they keep us
on triggers anguish and anxiety,
which distract from our own feelings of emptiness or dissatisfaction,
which may have haunted us for years, but that we've harshly judged
and tried to avoid or outrun through any means possible.
another makes us feel our emotions intensely, whether
those emotions are pleasurable or painful, it's actually grounding
and enlivening to us (dead people can't feel pain). This could
be the reason we've clung to tormenting, toxic relationships long
past their shelf life or our ability to access joy within them.
COMES EASY. HAPPINESS TAKES DAILY, DILIGENT WORK.
lack of love, abundance and prosperity are merely symptoms
of poor self-worth. When our pre-existing foundation is rotted
and crumbling, no structures we try to build on it can remain
intact. The primary goal of healing work is to bring about tangible
and permanent foundational restructuring and change.
is scary for most people, because it threatens long-held stagnancy
that is often mistaken for "safety." You've landed on
this text, because you've bought into some faulty belief
systems, which have kept you 'enrolled' in self-defeating behaviors
and thought patterns. These must be eliminated, so that you can
acquire real happiness, and learn how to maintain it.
you're looking for someone to take your money and be your sounding
board week to week, this is not the place for you. Effective,
life-altering assistance won't perform
this function for you. Its only commitment should be to help you
acquire wellness in every sense of that word.
REAL RECOVERY ACTUALLY IS:
pain is not stored in the head. It's stored in the body, and each
one of your body cells retains a traumatic imprint from every
emotional wound (no matter how slight) you've ever incurred.
has always been a holistic or 'whole organism' approach to eradicating
pain, which involves the body and spirit. If we're not responsive
to these parts of you, we're missing the boat in context of true
well-being. My methodology has embraced the principle that you
are not just a brain hooked-up to a life-support
device. Body-centered healing work is not
psychological intervention or mind work.
Real Recovery is antithetical to psychotherapy. It requires that
you learn how to feel emotions in your body, instead
of talking about or attaching meaning and reasons to
them in your head. That practice cannot be allowed~ and if it
is, you can't get well.
might consider genuine Recovery to be like acupuncture, as compared
to western medicine. Western medicine treats the symptoms
of your discomfort or "dis-ease" so you feel better~
whereas Chinese medicine targets the cause of
your distress to eradicate it from the body. In a sense, effective
and genuine healing intends to unblock and heal emotional
Qi or 'Chi.'
work reached well beyond mitigating your dissatisfaction or pain,
and that's what acquiring specific new tools should help you accomplish
for yourself. We want you to thrive,
rather than just survive or feel "okay" about your life.
If there isn't enough 'juice' in your daily existence, you may
be sleepwalking, and you should want to get help to repair that.
Sleepwalking (or staying unconscious even when you're physically
awake, contributes to addictive and compulsive behaviors and bad
relationship choices which can catalyze chaos, confusion and pain.
That my dears, is only existing~ it's not living.
methods encouraged some emotional dependency, but only in the
beginning stages, until you could become fully self-reliant. Its
primary aim was to help you grow a sound/healthy, emotionally
independent, rock-solid sense of Self.
want to help you construct your self-worth foundation brick by
brick, so you can climb out of the self-defeating, deeply-dug
trenches that have kept you disabled. Access my YouTube videos,
for effective 'power tools' I routinely used in my practice.
need help to deconstruct the negative tape that's been haunting
you most of your life; "I'm not lovable or good enough."
Recovery is impossible, if you can't or won't learn methods to
kill off that inner voice that's always held you prisoner, and
integrate groundbreaking tools that usher you into authentic wellness.
approach taught clients how to confront anyone at anytime about
anything. They gained communication skills and methods which gave
them newfound confidence in social and professional arenas.
taught each client effective strategies which helped them build
a strong and sturdy personal foundation, so they could come to
admire, genuinely like, and feel proud of themselves.
inner work you do with anyone has to be a collaborative
effort. While you're gradually building trust in them,
you might think of him/her as your 'significant other' on whom
you can depend for guidance, support and concrete strategies that
have the power to bring about self-actualization and joy.
have not healed people! I merely illuminated and guided their
path, and gave them self-restructuring tools, which taught
them how to heal themselves. This radically unconventional
approach helped thousands build self-respect, healthy entitlement
and genuine self-worth.
consulting work was solely experiential~ not cerebral.
It was individualized to respond to the needs of every client~
but the basic principles I adhered to are described below:
- Clients learned how to experience, accept, tolerate and endure
dark or painful emotions without fear of annihilation, repercussions,
doubt or self-ridicule. This power tool is essential,
if you've ever wrestled with addictions.
likely been thinking your way through life, as opposed
to feeling your way along. As a direct
result, you don't trust your instincts or intuitions, which exist
to serve and protect you! These extra-sensory aspects are literally
your built-in survival guide, but they can't function
when other feelings like anger or depression are banished from
you can't trust others, you haven't learned to rely on your innate
instincts to guide your decisions, andyoudo not trustyourself. If this
isn't repaired, you'll keep shooting in the dark hoping to hit
the bullseye, and always second-guess your choices, even if they're
right ones~ especially when they prompt less than comfortable
methods focused solely on what you are
feeling, not on howyou are feeling.
This non-traditional approach helps you connect with facets of
your Self, so you can access life-force within you! In
my view, it's the most important gain you can ever achieve.
your feelings were welcomed. A client was never
made 'wrong' for feeling a certain way, and I looked forward to
when they'd express their rage, even at me! You've likely had
to censor yourself your entire life--but we pulled out all the
have loved working with angry people! Their feelings
are much closer to the surface, so they tend to progress faster.
Imagine getting to experience being fully You, without fear of
being guilted, punished or abandoned~ or having it be about "your
- Clients received guidance and support to help them become the
person they've always wanted to be.
restructuring process helped my clients acquire nourishing,
productive, healthy ways of talking to and treating themselves.
This of course, exerted a positive influence on every aspect of
GROWTH IS CUMULATIVE, BUT SELDOM LINEAR.
wellness consulting often felt counterintuitive to clients, as
it was a fresh, innovative approach they had never been exposed
to before. There's a natural learning curve that comes with trying
anything new, so some might backslide a bit, and that's
to be expected. My work was designed to help clients learn and
grow~ not perform perfectly.
who previously enlisted the help of psychotherapy, might expect
that type of interplay when they began
working with me, and it was hard for them not to anticipate that
style of engagement. If I began to sense someone couldn't or wouldn't
make the crucial transition from those more familiar types of
methods to mine, I'd urge them to seek help (instead)
from a practitioner who provides it, and we would part.
healthy limits and boundaries here, because if they already had
them, they wouldn't be needing my help. I was be a bit
stern occasionally, but it was solely to halt one's self-sabotage,
and get them back on course. My only mission was to help individuals
get stronger, as swiftly as possible.
- I am nothing, if not an educator. My work has been about helping
you become empowered. As such, we help you learn to help
yourself. (Give a man a fish, and he eats for a day. Teach
him to fish, and he eats for a lifetime.)
most important and vital relationship you will ever form and maintain
is with You. When you master this, all your relationship choices,
experiences and outcomes become healthy and positive.
- Clients would start noticing an absence of pain~ and
they had to adjust to it. It wasn't easy or comfortable at
client who is committed toHealing
reaches a fork in the road as they're transitioning from unwell
to Well. It feels uncomfortable for a little while. This part
of genuine recovery can be challenging, because we're navigating
terrain that's feeling foreign, and it takes some getting used
noticing a sense of contentment and peace at this stage of healing.
They began feeling their emotions, rather than hyper-analyzing
them or acting
them out. Being 'alone' stopped triggering dread and fear,
because their friendship with Themselves had grown far more solid,
rewarding and comfortable on many levels.
you're no longer observing yourself through another's
eyes. You'll learn to take your own emotional
temperature, rather than everyone else's! Trying to make sure
everyonelikes you (people pleasing), isn't a priority
anymore. New feelings of respecting and liking yourself,
who improved quit starving and striving for acceptance and approval
from other, including their parents. They gained the desire and
capacity to give approval to themselves--and they owned it.
is incrementally acquired. Much quicker can feel too
destabilizing, but 'FREE'
is my acronym for what you'll be experiencing, along your way
to it. My methods helped clients make permanent, irrevocable modifications
to their pre-existing paradigm. This
work brought about dramatic, life-altering changes regarding how
one views and relates to him/herself.
to imagine evolving into a sentient, self-actualized being, capable
of giving andreceiving love and abundance.
Can you envision seeing relationships sort of like the frosting
on a well baked cake that's scrumptious when eaten alone~
but is a tad sweeter with some topping? That's where we wanna
help you surrender your desperate hunger and need
to be loved. You will ultimately grow into knowing
you are lovable, and will automatically be able
to make healthier, more gratifying friendship and romantic choices,
which reflect an unshakable, authentic sense of self-worth~
it to say, getting well is a process.
The principles of the tutorials I offer are simple, as
are the tools that you'll be taught~ but the work itself is challenging,
because it has to reorganize and reconfigure what too many think
is necessary (like avoiding difficult emotions), to save
their own life.