GettinBetter.com's
TESTIMONIALS
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*Hi,
I am in the middle of reading your article, BORDERLINE
MALES I'VE KNOWN, AND ALMOST LOVED; Surviving the Crash after your
Crush. It is the best and most accurate portrayal of a male
borderline I've ever read. I just got out of a 1 1/2 year relationship
with a 'Superman' Borderline. While reading the article I must have
said, Oh my God, 20 times--and I'm not even completely
finished. Great work. Thanks so much. Reading this article is really
helping me.
*Hi
Dr. Schreiber, I was sitting in my room tonight thinking as I often
do, and trying to figure out why I always feel this sort of emptiness
and unhappiness--when I decided to browse the Internet and came
across your article "Do
You Love to be Needed, or Need to be Loved?" I just wanted
to tell you that your article explained and described feelings that
I've been trying to put into words to for years, and that just reading
it alone has comforted me greatly, and given me some insight into
what I can do towards resolving my issues. I would like to give
you my deepest thanks for writing and posting this article and tell
you that you rock.
*Shari,
I truly believe you have saved my sanity. I cannot express in words
how grateful I am for your website. In three days time, you have
explained to me the dynamics of what I've been hopelessly discussing
with a denying, projecting, narcissistic Ph.D therapist in a DBT
practice. I was told by this clinician, that "if
I couldn't work with my BPD partner, and successfully integrate
the DBT theories, that I had no chance of success in life with anyone."
I now know I've been manipulated by both this therapist--and
the lying BPD partner. After reading your articles, I understand
that Borderlines can fool professionals and I shouldn't take it
personally. I feel a huge sense of relief and validation.
Finally, someone understands. I must give myself permission to work
on healing my core issues, rather than trying to adapt to the Borderline's
craziness under the guise of Dialectical Behavior Therapy. Thank
you, from the bottom of my heart.
*Dear
Ms. Schreiber, thank you so very much for your helpful and healing
website. I've found your articles on BPD to be very useful. Your
no-nonsense plain-language manner is very comfortable and your insight
is priceless. Your article "AT
ANY COST" was literally a lifesaver for me. While I still
have a long way to go in recovering from my 4-year hostage situation
(Oops! I meant relationship) I believe that I will make it. In the
immediate aftermath of the breakup, your article was my "voice
of reason and sanity" and was my first sign of hope that I
was NOT insane, and that I was not alone. Thank you so very much
for making so much good information available at no cost to the
reader. Your articles, and therefore you, are priceless!
*Hi,
Shari. I came across your site while searching "Conversations
with a Borderline." I am recently separated, and moving to
divorce from my Borderline wife of 21 years. I thought
I knew everything, because I could recite "Stop Walking on
Eggshells" backwards and forwards. Then I came across your
articles, especially the ones relating to the end of the borderline
relationship. They were so helpful, so on the mark, that they literally
blew me away. Thanks for sharing these articles.
*Hi
Shari. I just wanted to thank you for taking the time to put all
this material online. It's really a great collection of work and
has personally helped me a great deal. I'm a NPD (prob) and my ex-girlfriend
has been diagnosed as a BPD. We tried everything and now I want
resolution because I am meeting new people, but feeling a bit mind-screwed.
Your article "Haven't
we met before?" has helped me a lot and I've contacted
my ex and shared the article. Although I do not expect her to accept
anything all the way, she has begun acknowledging our dynamic and
the stuff she used to do to me. Life goes on, today I started a
list of all the things I hate about her to help me get over this
last hump. Thanks again.
*Thank
you, thank you, and thank you! I have searched all over for answers,
and your information on male
borderline personality is invaluable. You may have very well
saved my life. The information that you shared was extremely insightful,
and now I must find the strength and courage to move on. Thanks
sooo much!!!!
*Shari,
your article on recovering from a borderline relationship was amazing.
Though I'm a physician and KNEW she was bpd, I still got sucked
in. Caring physician + low self-esteem = BPD magnet!! Thanks so
much for helping me recover! Sincerely, Getting my life back in
Texas
*Dear
Ms. Schreiber; Your website is the best I've seen about Borderline
relationships. It is more insightful than Gunderson's book or any
of the other books I've read the last couple years. You are absolutely
correct--and the only person who was able to explain the constant
lies. I thought I was going nuts! My girlfriend broke up with me
5 years ago, but still calls every six months to get me involved
in love triangles with her new boyfriends. I just figured out that's
what she's been doing. Thanks to you, I have told her never to contact
me--and per your instructions, I will not answer her calls. I would
only lose if I did. Also, thank you for making me aware of the issues
from my childhood
codependence that made her seduction possible. I wish I had
seen your site before my divorce. Don't let anyone tell
you that you're wrong. You are uncanny!
*Hi
Shari, we connected a while ago as I was involved with a borderline
woman and I believe you added me to the list of letters you've received.
Well, I've finally distanced her from my life, and though it's been
hard because of the young son involved, I also know it's for the
best. You've mentioned how so many seem to gravitate towards the
'helping' professions
and you're dead on, in that regard. Mine was a self-professed
spiritual teacher. Lord knows what that means, but in any regard
she was great at the talk, but seldom the walk. During one of our
last contacts, she stated she had been willing to give up sex in
order to remain together, and I'm still trying to make sense of
that one! Talk about control issues--how noble of her (lol). I've
dedicated the past 4 years to this woman's ups and downs and finally
seem to have found the will to end it, and realize the good things
that can come from that. I've exhausted my energy and patience,
but my son will be better off for it. These people are truly 'out
there' and the hurt and damage they can do, ought not be underestimated.
You're doing great work, and thanks once again.
*Dear
Shari, I want to thank you very much writing the articles
on BPD. I bookmarked them and reread them often, whenever I
start questioning the break up. These articles could have been written
just for her. Instead of being jealous of the guy she's with now,
I feel pity for him as I know from my own experience, he
will eventually have his heart and soul ripped out of him. With
everyday I'm feeling more healed, and for that I thank you so much.
*Shari,
I cannot thank you enough for your article on antidepressants.
I'd been struggling to get through my days on an SSRI, and feeling
listless, drowsy and unmotivated--yet wide awake at night! I asked
my doctor if I could switch the time I took it (thanks to your article),
and she agreed. I'm feeling so much better now, and I owe it all
to you. Thank you for all this insightful material--you and your
site are such a blessing!
*Shari,
over the years you've seen me for chiropractic care, I always enjoyed
your company and our conversations. One day you'd made a casual
remark about something I said, and it really bothered me and stuck.
I thought about what you'd said for days afterward, and
I knew from a deep part of my being that I couldn't shrug this one
off, so I made an appointment to come see you. I'd never been to
counseling, coaching or therapy before--and as the appointment neared,
I almost convinced myself that this was for 'messed up' people,
and I wasn't one of them. I almost canceled that appointment! By
our second session, I realized I could benefit from your assistance,
and made a commitment to the work. You are a natural healer. This
is obviously your purpose in life, and you have the gift to cut
right to the core of issues, with keen insight and respect.
The comment you'd made that got all this started, was that I seemed
stuck in survival mode--which precluded me from
being able to thrive. By the time we hit our 10th
session, I had dissolved my failing business partnership and opened
my own office (after 11 years in practice), in a grand manner that
far exceeded my expectations. I couldn't have done this, without
your bringing to light the hidden thought patterns that have held
me back since adolescence--and prevented me from living my life
in full. You are a bringer of light, and I recommend you to others
with all my heart. Thank you, Shari! John E. Min, D.C. Los Angeles,
CA
*I
read the article. "At
Any Cost" on your website. I wanted to say thank you. I
was really feeling alone and pathetic after I ended my relationship
after many years with a borderline woman. Your article was illuminating
beyond words and made me realize that I am not alone. With sincere
gratitude, thank you so much.
*Shari,
I can't thank you enough, for helping me figure out that this terrible
itching problem I've had for years, is related to a soy
allergy! I've given away or discarded every product in
my kitchen that contains anything made with soy, and the tormenting
hives have finally disappeared. I'm now checking labels on everything
I buy (which is a pain in the ass), and I miss my fish marinades
and lunchtime sushi, but it's a small price to pay for being free
of this discomfort. In my wildest dreams, I could never have imagined
that you could help me with this issue, as well.
Many thanks, and God bless.
*Dear
Ms Schreiber, I'd like to confess to you, that in the most difficult
time of my life, your article "Do
you love to be needed, or need to be loved?" that I happened
to read today, helped me recognize patterns of my behavior. To be
exact, it was a perfect description of my personality,
and deeply affected me--constituting (I hope) one solid step for
me to make a new start in life, for which I'll try to be optimistic.
I owe you a big thanks. God bless you.
*Dear
Shari, thank you so much for creating this website for people. I
am almost 19 years old, and have been diagnosed with ADD for about
9 years. Tonight, I was feeling upset and depressed over a recent
argument with my mother, so I decided to search ADD to see if maybe
there was something wrong with me. I saw your page and clicked on
it. I read your article from top to bottom. You were so accurate
in your descriptions, it felt like you were describing me! You helped
me figure out things in my life that I never knew were related to
ADD--I'd figured I was just like that. I have been having
a hard time lately coping with everything going on in my life, and
your article has given me hope. I almost started crying while I
was reading it. I'm tearing up now! I cannot express how grateful
I am. For once in my life, I feel like everything's going to be
okay. I have never felt that before. I have always felt like I was
crippled because I have ADD,
and now I feel like I don't have to be. You are a blessing. Thanks
ever so much, and God Bless.
*Hi
Shari, I just wanted to take a moment to thank you. I just recently
got out of a really bad relationship, and after hours of research,
online articles, chats and inquires--I can say my ex most certainly
displays almost every trait of BPD.
She also has an eating disorder. Your page helped me so much. Thank
you!
*I
have become an aficionado of BPD sites, having just ended 3 years
of hell with an extremely high functioning BPD
woman who persuaded me to marry her in the middle of it all.
Which I did, thinking it would help (I was recently widowed after
a very happy 36 year marriage and still in grief, when I met her).
Yours is by far, the best of these sites that I have come
across, and I just wanted to send you a word of appreciation--it's
the most pointed and deep. Thanks so much, and best wishes.
*I
genuinely believe that you saved my life today. I read your website
and was shocked and stunned by the similarities. My ex-girlfriend
was diagnosed as borderline about a year ago, but it seemed such
a minor thing that I never bothered to research it. Oh what
a fool I was! About three months ago she suddenly
dumped me, causing me massive personal pain, emotional torment
and no understanding of what had just happened. She completely blamed
me for the break-up saying that she didn't love me anymore and it
wasn't anything I had done, simply that she couldn't see me as someone
she loved. Two days before that, she had professed undying love
(we'd been engaged about 4 months before that). It's left me reeling--and
having recently lost my job, I'm also broke. She'd taken away my
entire support network by giving me such an intensity of love (infatuation?)
that I felt I no longer needed them emotionally. Suddenly she left
me with no one, and I was feeling destroyed--I couldn't even move
out. A few weeks ago the violence started; she attacked me with
a 15 inch kitchen knife one night, after a trivial argument. A few
days later she bit me, drawing blood. I had so little self-esteem
that I thought I *deserved* it, feeling I'd caused her aggression
in the first place. Reading your article completely opened my eyes.
I registered with a supportive BPD forum, where they really helped
me understand the dangers. I'd been feeling at great personal risk
anyway, but I didn't know what to do. Having now sought legal advice,
I am filing an injunction against her, and when she receives it
she will almost certainly kick me out of the flat--it's in her name
of course. She insisted I move in with her very early on in the
relationship--all the more control, under the guise that I'd get
away from a terribly expensive flat of my own, and we'd pool our
resources. The local authorities will re-house me at their expense,
because I'm "fleeing domestic violence." I've got a long
road ahead, but can see myself in a few months, wishing she was
still around. One of the most beautiful girls I have ever met in
my life, so young, so loving, so adoring. It was all a lie, and
it's going to take me time to recover, but with resources like yours,
I'm sure I'll eventually make it. Thank you, thank you, thank you.
*After
a whole day and night struggling to get something important done
for work, I Google for something like 'add
disorder crazy' and well, I read your article and just can't
resist saying thank you! I'm 27, and found out about ADD a few months
back, as a final answer to years of not knowing what was wrong--just
thinking that I was missing something in my brain. Now, to actually
take some steps to try and make my life better, knowing what I know...
wish me luck. Thanks a lot, Shari.
*I
just wanted to thank you for your website. The answers to why my
Partner is . . . and some of the answers why I am. I don't know
where to go from here, but I know so much more today, than at any
one time in my life. How to change me? I'm not sure--but gonna work
on it. How to hope my partner can change before our Love is lost,
can't answer. I can say I'm not giving up yet. Your writings
added fuel to my fire, and the desire for change. Thanks
*"Ahah!
experience." I have finally 'got it.'
After reading your wonderful writings, I feel empowered and able
to move on from my relationship issues. Everything is in there,
that I 'needed'
to know, and now I can easily and happily progress. Thank you.
*Thank you for the information about borderline "Waifs."
Unfortunately, there isn't a lot of information about this aspect
of Borderline Personality. I think that the "Waif" really
is a syndrome deserving of its own descriptive category. It seems
people with this condition are not diagnosed by physicians, or even
psychiatrists! Waifs are so pitiful. You just can't help feeling
sorry for them.
*Thank
you! I am an MFT (Marriage and Family Therapist), and most of my
clientele are BPD/NPD
males. I have found your articles to be helpful to their spouses/partners
and simply have told them to change the gender in these pieces.
Since most of my clients are high-functioning Borderlines, their
issues come to the table first, in the form of sex addiction or
commitment phobia/avoidant behaviors.
*I discovered you by searching on Google for more up to date Alice
Miller material. I lost track of the actual
Google search, but my first exposure to you was, "Do you love
to be needed, or need to be loved?" That
article and others, are well written and effective. I say this
after reviewing Alice Miller's books this past week. I believe you
incorporate her insight into your perspective and make it more clear
for a current American audience. That's what first hit me. I hope
you are inspired to write a book, or have already started. I was
moved enough to write you.
*Thanks
Shari, keep up the good work. Finding your website and working my
way around some of your stories and research has really helped me
out. I'm quite sure it has helped me through some major
heartache--and the thought of continuing to pursue a Borderline,
now has me sick to my stomach. I am moving on, and will definitely
use your information when I get into my next relationship. I really
was able to (mentally) replay my time spent with her, and how I
ignored or "slept through" all the signs. Thanks again.
You're my hero!
*I
have been thinking about writing this letter for many months now.
I was involved with a female who abruptly left the relationship--someone
I was involved with for many years. The trauma of this left me seriously
ill. Up to this point in my life, I'd always enjoyed forty-eight
years of very good health, save for liver disease--the cause of
which was never determined. I had a spontaneous remission (liver
enzymes all went back to normal). I only noticed that I was tired
from it, and this went away--still, it never really slowed me down.
This illness however, left me dead in my tracks,
to where I couldn't practice. During this sick time, I came across
your article, AT
ANY COST. I should've realized this person I was involved with,
was very clearly exhibiting these (BPD) traits. I believe that at
the time I read your article, not only did it lead to my recovery--but
that it actually saved my life. In the midst of
this illness--and being a healthcare professional myself, it didn't
seem logical to me, that merely reading something posted on the
Internet could have this effect. At that point, I wasn't sure this
was a reasonable conclusion. In some way, my logical
professional mind still wants to doubt this fact--however, I cannot.
In retrospect, I recognize that your article did indeed, save my
life. I now accept this as fact--and that's why I'm writing to thank
you for your efforts. After saving a few lives myself, Thank You
for saving mine.