ARE YOU UNHAPPY BECAUSE YOU’RE HEAVY,
OR HEAVY BECAUSE YOU’RE UNHAPPY?

By Shari Schreiber, M.A.
www.GettinBetter.com

 

We've become a society preoccupied with body weight and physical image, and this is acutely reflected in the fact that nearly every fast food chain has added low-carbohydrate choices to their regular menu. Is this just a trend, or has obesity reached epidemic proportions in our country? Between over the counter drugs, fad diets, twelve-step programs, diet and weight control programs and extreme measures such as painful (and dangerous) surgical procedures to dramatically reduce stomach size, we seem to be trying to manage an issue that has apparently gotten way out of hand!

Overeating isn't usually considered an "Eating Disorder" because we don't think of it as life-threatening, yet many people die of eating-related diseases. Heart attacks, strokes, diabetes and ruptured hiatal valves (leading to acid reflux disease and cancer of the esophagus) are all symptoms associated with excess food consumption. In short, compulsive overeating poses a far more prevalent threat to our health than Anorexia Nervosa (starving oneself because of distorted body image) or Bulimia (purging/regurgitating food after eating to control body weight).

As with many health issues, we seem to be focused on treating the symptom instead of the cause of the problem--and eating disorders always have an emotional basis. Basically, it's not about what you're eating--it's about what's eating you! Addictive/compulsive behaviors are symptomatic of deeper issues connected to psychic/emotional difficulties in childhood. It may be easier to understand the food addict's inability to regulate consumption, if you think of him/her trying to fill an inner void or wound, that's never had opportunity to heal.

Some psychotherapists have finally come to recognize that addiction is inherited, because depression is inherited. Core issues like shame (feelings and foundational beliefs surrounding unworthiness, unlovability) that drove your parent to self-medicate with food, drugs, alcohol, sex, shopping, over-work, gambling, etc., to try and manage his/her internal pain, were passed onto you! Their parenting skills were limited in terms of providing attention, affection, support and guidance, just as their parents were limited in supplying these crucial elements to them: We learn to love ourselves and others, by how we were loved as children.

Eating compulsions begin extremely early. Many of us became orally fixated during infancy and childhood, when our mothers wanted to quiet us. When we were sad, tired or cranky, she stuck a pacifier/bottle, lollipop or cookie in our mouth, instead of attending to our need for comfort or closeness--which may have been less convenient for her to provide. Essentially, we were programmed to anticipate that every time we experienced uncomfortable feelings, we should eat--and began associating food with something that would soothe/distract us, and make things seem better!

Having been conditioned to anticipate a reward (usually something sweet) each time we abandoned certain emotions, prevented us from learning how to tolerate difficult feelings, and self-soothe in healthier ways! Before long, we stopped living with a full range of emotions, because when they weren't adequately responded to, we experienced frustration and despair. Given that virtually all difficult sensations were repeatedly gotten rid of (with food) during our formative years, we've continued this pattern as we grew to adulthood. Without opportunities to experience/accommodate various types of feelings, and no ability to comfort ourselves when we're needing emotional rebalancing, we're trapped in a perpetual love/hate relationship with food.

Food conditioning in childhood, implants the belief that certain feelings are unacceptable/bad, and that we're "bad" for having them!

This food/feeling issue has influenced many of us to adopt narrowly defined self-images and become 'People Pleasers,' which is potentially hazardess to our health, and can even be deadly! When we demand of ourselves only nice, positive, light, generous and "right" feelings, because we've been taught that all other feelings are bad and wrong, the only sensation that can exist inside us, is emptiness. I've assisted individuals who (initially) felt suicidal, yet were unable to recognize that they were depressed, because this was considered an "unacceptable" feeling they weren't permitted to have in childhood! Some have wanted to kill themselves, because they were unable to access lighter feeling states, and harshly judged themselves for this. Hence, not only were they in tremendous psychic and emotional pain, they compounded their trauma by making themselves "wrong" for it. The upshot is, because certain emotions had virtually been amputated out of their personality structure since infancy, many have gone through life as half-feeling individuals--and it's far easier to consider killing off half-a-self than a whole one!

Living with a full range of emotions is a very natural/normal part of being human. Addiction (of any type), is an attempt to escape from darker emotions (anger, sadness, emptiness, lust, envy, shame, etc.) that might be judged by others or ourselves as "negative." The compulsion to eat is specifically related to swallowing/shoving-down these uncomfortable feelings! Since emotional sensations have been shut down over the course of many years, physical ones have too! This is evidenced in the food addict's inability to discern when he/she has eaten enough, to where hunger or a specific appetite is sated. Compulsive overeating is a covert addiction like all others; we're most likely to engage in it during quiet/alone times, when self-deprecating thoughts or feelings from early psychic trauma begin to emerge. Even elaborate planning that goes into thinking about our next meal (or two or three) is an obsessive activity that distracts us from whatever material is trying to surface, and make its way to our conscious minds in order to be dealt with and resolved.

Obesity is a symptom of 'dis-ease' that's connected to deeper issues, and might be thought of as Walking Depression. Overweight people have told me they're "never depressed," and this may be true for you--but try giving up the typical foods you eat for several days, and stop yourself from automatically reaching for a snack when your stomach's not truly empty. If you're willing to experiment with this, I'm pretty certain you'll notice the emergence of some fairly uncomfortable (but authentic) feelings.

I view excess weight as body armor. In a metaphorical sense, this extra padding or insulation doesn't allow another to get "too close." Subconsciously, we may need to maintain this condition, particularly if we've survived incest or sexual molestation in childhood (whether we're able to recall this trauma, or not). While body armor can help us feel physically/emotionally safer in relationships, it may also one day provide convenient justification, for someone leaving us. If we can blame being rejected/abandoned on our weight, we never have to explore why and how we've come to regard ourselves as unworthy or unlovable, and this is the core of compulsive, self-sabotaging behaviors.

Overeating can serve to avert our concerns or complaints about a close relationship. In essence, if we're feeling disempowered because of poor body image, we'll be less inclined to be conscious (and critical) about elements that trouble us in a partner: "If I feel bad about Me, I'll feel more grateful to You for sticking around." Thus, shoving down our feelings (with food) helps us avoid making choices or changes that could empower us, but may seem threatening to a relationship or attachment.

Sugary and/or starchy foods are usually craved when we're feeling anxious, upset or depressed. A series of chemical changes occur in brain tissue when we consume carbohydrate-rich foods, which ultimately leads to an increase in serotonin. This chemical produces the calming and soothing we seek in times of emotional distress--and since foods that help our brains produce it are so readily available, bingeing impulses are (sadly) reinforced. Serotonin is a key ingredient in certain types of antidepressants designed to help us maintain sufficient levels of it more consistently. Selective Serotonin Re-uptake Inhibitors (SSRI's) can modulate tendencies to crave and overeat foods known to raise brain serotonin, and weight loss can be facilitated (in part) by balancing neurochemistry. Once brain chemistry is normalized, we're able to approach challenging situations more effectively, because we aren't overwhelmed or immobilized by feelings that would formerly have prompted compulsivity! Think of it this way; if you could take a tablet that would help you feel and function considerably better than consuming a box of donuts, which would you choose?

Overeating is not a behavioral issue; it's a feeling one! You can literally try every diet and exercise program that's ever been invented (I certainly did), and continue to watch your body weight fluctuate with each new effort and ultimate failure. As a former compulsive eater, I'm intimately aware of your struggle. Throughout the course of my personal healing, I was determined to find some tools that allowed me to eat what I wanted (like a "skinny person"), lose my weight, and keep it off. The unique methods I discovered will soon be available on this site, but I'll be sharing them with you during our sessions. One thing's for certain; whether you believe it or not--there's real hope for putting an end to this torment once and for all. It's not your fault that you've had to live with this obstacle, and Healing means you'll never have to struggle with a "weight problem" again.

 

If you're seeking assistance with this issue, or your group/organization would like me to speak on this topic, feel free to contact me.

 

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